There are good days.

And there are not so good days.
Tonight, to be honest, I am angry.
To be honest, I am upset.
To be honest, my heart aches.
To be honest, I am saddened.
To be honest, I cannot understand why you never had the heart to just tell me.
To be honest, I cannot understand how you could be that heartless and inconsiderate.
Of all people, I thought YOU would understand and remember how much it hurt when it happened to YOU... I thought you would remember the pain that YOU felt and to never do that to someone else.
I understand things change but you could have at LEAST gone about it in a better manner.
Perhaps you don't care about me and my feelings anymore... that's fine.
I guess it just goes to show how little you can really know someone even after YEARS of being "friends" (and, for a period of time, more than friends).
I thought you would have SOME respect for me, as I have had and shown towards you, to at least give me a heads up about what was going on and not just assume that I would just brush everything under the rug and not wonder about what the heck was going on.
I DID notice the changes.
I'm TERRIBLE with confrontation but I mustered up the courage to confront you.
And how did you respond?
"Sorry dude. Just been having a lotta stuff come up."
"Stuff" huh? Do other people count as "stuff?"
Does having a lot of "stuff" come up excuse you from being honest with me?
Does having a lot of "stuff" come up mean throwing everything we had, shared, and gone through out the window and acting like everything was peachy and nice?
I am not stupid.
I was right this entire time.
I slowly pieced things together and figured out what you were doing.
I so badly want to tell you how much you've hurt me.
I so badly want to tell you how much it hurts to see how everything turned out.
I so badly want to tell you how badly you've made me feel.
I so badly want to call you out on all your lies and excuses.
I so badly want you to know that I deserved better and that how you handled everything made it seem like I had no worth at all.

But if I did all that, what's the use? What would I gain from any of it?
More importantly, even if I did all that, I'm sure you wouldn't give a damn.
What makes me think you would care even a tiny bit anyway?

After years of thinking I knew you, thank you for finally showing me who you really are.

Lord, please forgive me for having such negative thoughts and feelings.
I know only You alone can fill such voids in my heart and repair all the damage that has been done.