Man I love college!

First off, I just want to say: GOODBYE SUMMER 2009! You've been SO good to me! It was THE BEST SUMMER EVER! I love you so much and thank you LORD for EVERYTHING! So much happened this summer and I will cherish the memories ALWAYS.

Today was great! So much better than I expected.

Woke up at 5 to get ready and left the house at 6 to go to the train station. I sat next to some Asian guy who was reading the newspaper and in front of this pretty big Caucasian guy who dressed like a farmer... overalls and all! He talked to me a little bit and kept staring at me... so I just looked away.

Met up with Cherisse, Kristine, Camille, and (Ch/K?)ristine before my first class. Went to Oral Communications and I can already tell that it'll be my favorite class this quarter. My teacher is really funny and pretty chill. The class just had an ice breaker thing. Met Avika! She's cool! She's Thai as well. The students in that class are pretty chill for the most part. Even on the first day we were all able to laugh and joke around with each other. Pretty fun! The only unfortunate part about this class... we already have to read about 80 pages by Tuesday, lol.

My English class is whatevers. My teacher seems pretty nice. I met Esteban. He's pretty cool! He came and sat in front of me. I guess we're now "English buddies." Haha! There are only 5 guys in that class and 13 girls. Good ratio huh? Ha!

Then went to Sbarro and ate with Kristine, Cherisse, Camille, the OTHER Kristine, Cheryl, Donna and Jovanna. OMG they're all so funny! Especially Donna! I can tell her and Kristine will get along JUST fine.

Went to my last class (math) and WOW, not to be mean, but my teacher is SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND! She's a fob. =/ She has a pretty heavy accent. This class is going to be whatevers too. I just hope I do well. It's gonna be even harder since I have to try hard to understand what my teacher is saying.

After class got out, Kristine and I went to the library to pick up my email account info. THEN went to Student Union and saw Wesley! He was there waiting for Jasmine so we just sat and talked with him. Then Cheryl came and I had to leave. =(

The train ride home was interesting. This one guy either did not pay and snuck on OR bought the wrong ticket. When the conductor dude was checking tickets, that guy got all pissed because the conductor told him he's going to have to get out after the next 2 stops and had to wait an hour until the next train comes. He was so pissed that he started cussing and the two were arguing.

Went to visit Miss P. at Walnut High and met up with Danielle. Then went to Jack in the Box w/ Danielle and just talked some more about school.

TADA! There's my first day! Going to Bible study soon. Man, this weekend will be full of reading for me. BRING IT ON, COLLEGE!

Until next blog!

Why am I still waiting?

Generally, I'd like to believe that I know what I want for myself. Lately, I've been torn between two sides. I know what I want, and what you've shown me isn't it, yet I'm still here waiting... maybe for something that is only going to happen in my head. I can't have this... it's so unhealthy for me, and for you as well, but at the same time... I can't help the part of me that wants to help people. I can't help the part of me that constantly brings me back to the good times. I can't help the part of me that feels for you. I can't help the part of me that is more than willing to constantly be there. I suppose that's just who I am.

I think one of the reasons why I haven't stopped waiting is because I wouldn't know what to say. I feel like some of the things you say are truly genuine and come from your heart. But at the same time, I feel like some of the things you say are just BS and you don't really mean them. I can't tell if you mean the things you say or not. I have strong feelings for both sides, the positive and negative, but where do I go from there? Like I said earlier, I'm torn.

I've only ever given my all. I've only ever been real with you. I've never told you anything that I don't mean. The thing that tears me apart the more I think about it is the fact that, to me, all the efforts are only coming from one side of the party. Sometimes I feel like you don't take things seriously and that just confuses me even more. Maybe the situation shouldn't be taken too seriously, but I hate feeling vulnerable. Why I let that happen is beyond me.

Honestly, there have been so many times where I just wanted to give up on you.
As horrible as I feel saying this, I don't know why I haven't already done so...


This is what's on my mind. Things will probably change within the next few hours anyway, who knows. You know how girls are...
Time will tell. It's all in God's hands.


Until the next blog...