There are good days.

And there are not so good days.
Tonight, to be honest, I am angry.
To be honest, I am upset.
To be honest, my heart aches.
To be honest, I am saddened.
To be honest, I cannot understand why you never had the heart to just tell me.
To be honest, I cannot understand how you could be that heartless and inconsiderate.
Of all people, I thought YOU would understand and remember how much it hurt when it happened to YOU... I thought you would remember the pain that YOU felt and to never do that to someone else.
I understand things change but you could have at LEAST gone about it in a better manner.
Perhaps you don't care about me and my feelings anymore... that's fine.
I guess it just goes to show how little you can really know someone even after YEARS of being "friends" (and, for a period of time, more than friends).
I thought you would have SOME respect for me, as I have had and shown towards you, to at least give me a heads up about what was going on and not just assume that I would just brush everything under the rug and not wonder about what the heck was going on.
I DID notice the changes.
I'm TERRIBLE with confrontation but I mustered up the courage to confront you.
And how did you respond?
"Sorry dude. Just been having a lotta stuff come up."
"Stuff" huh? Do other people count as "stuff?"
Does having a lot of "stuff" come up excuse you from being honest with me?
Does having a lot of "stuff" come up mean throwing everything we had, shared, and gone through out the window and acting like everything was peachy and nice?
I am not stupid.
I was right this entire time.
I slowly pieced things together and figured out what you were doing.
I so badly want to tell you how much you've hurt me.
I so badly want to tell you how much it hurts to see how everything turned out.
I so badly want to tell you how badly you've made me feel.
I so badly want to call you out on all your lies and excuses.
I so badly want you to know that I deserved better and that how you handled everything made it seem like I had no worth at all.

But if I did all that, what's the use? What would I gain from any of it?
More importantly, even if I did all that, I'm sure you wouldn't give a damn.
What makes me think you would care even a tiny bit anyway?

After years of thinking I knew you, thank you for finally showing me who you really are.

Lord, please forgive me for having such negative thoughts and feelings.
I know only You alone can fill such voids in my heart and repair all the damage that has been done.

I'm not going to lie.

My heart still aches.

You must not get it.

Are you really that oblivious?
Are you trying to prove a point?
Why do you keep doing this?
Why do you act like everything is okay?
I don't understand what's going on.
I may never understand, but that's totally okay.
I know He understands.
I know He has control of it all.
I know I don't need to worry.
Although it would be nice to have all those memories erased, they happened for a reason.

Thank You.